Cycling

 

About 2 weeks ago, I finally got a new road bike. It was definitely one of the most exciting things that has happened to me in 2021, but unfortunately, the weather was not appreciative of my moment. But, I figured that rather than sitting around and re-watching the same old Tour de France highlights that I had been binging over the past couple months, I should probably still try to go outside.

 

So, I set my basic route on relatively small roads (yes, I hate cyclists on the roads as well when I’m driving, but if I cycle on the sidewalk, then my wrists become sore from the continuous bumps and I become a danger to pedestrians) and headed out. Last summer, I would have easily been able to complete the 25 miles within an hour. But now, it was about 40 degrees outside (basically anything sub 50 degrees is just freezing when biking) with at least a 10mph wind. And this was the first time I was actually leaving my room for an extended period of time in months. So, as expected, the next two hours were absolutely gruesome: I was slow, my hands and arms were numb (I didn’t wear any arm warmers), and my legs had gone to mush.

 

The lesson I learned? Nothing. I learned no lesson. I did the same thing the next day, and the day after, until last week, where I had to stop or else I would catch a cold if I was outside for that long. But, I’m back at cycling this week as the weather is finally closer to what it should be in late-April.

 

Though, what I find most ironic about this whole experience, is how cycling is my antidote to languishing, yet to keep cycling, I always have to be in some state of languishment, a state where I don’t really feel anything. Biking gives me the ability to do something different everyday, whether it is doing a new route, surviving through horrendous weather conditions, or simply trying a different interval routine: cycling helps me escape boredom. But when I am actually biking, the worst thing I can do is actually concentrate on anything, whether it be a good or bad thing. As long as I’m aware of the traffic around me, I want to be void of any senses. Motivational music may spike my adrenaline and force me to peddle faster, but then I’ll end up bonking after 5 minutes. Focusing on my legs will just worsen the pain. And thinking about something random will distract me from surrounding traffic. So, I literally need to be in a state of nothingness when cycling.

To escape the feeling of languish in my life, I need to feel more – of some very specific form of – mental languishment.